Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
