My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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