Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize