omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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