My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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