I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
