I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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