There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
