I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
