How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize