why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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