Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
