.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
