Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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