..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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