why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
