This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
