Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
