I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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