so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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