i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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