he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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