I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
