It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
