I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
