I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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