you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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