:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
