Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
