I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What a dumb baby whore.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
