paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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