Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
