ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
only you would photoshop your dick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
