Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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