I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
