Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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