i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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