Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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