So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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