In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
