Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i now understand why vodka
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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