Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
