nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
