He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
