I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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