is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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