Your tits are I can't wait for
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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