So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
