you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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