her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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