Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
