So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
