I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
