are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
